I Don't Want To Grow Up..... Yes You Do

At a certain point in everyone's life we decide we have to ”grow” up. For whatever reason we have responsibilities that become so important to us. Of course we have to all be responsible but losing that child like glow to the cynical stupor of adulthood is devastating to see. Holding into youth and laughing (I mean really laughing) are the best ways to stay young. I'm not saying don't grow up and be immature your whole life. You have to be responsible but, find the humor in life. It isn't always roses but it isn't always coal either.

Remember being a kid and saying you never wanted to grow up? Of course that was toward the end of childhood when the weight of adulthood started weighing on us like a two ton brick. Before that it was always ”I can't wait to grow up so no one can tell me what to do”.  As children we are always pushing against our parents and anyone that wants to tell us what to do. We believe that being an adult means that no one will be the boss of us anymore. All of these phrases come to an abrupt halt when we realized we are going to grow up no matter how much we fight it and someone somewhere is always going to tell us what to do. Those are just the plain facts of life. Those facts are always told to us. We as children choose to remain blissfully ignorant to the fact that we won't be the boss, someone else will always call the shots. One day we are going to be that person telling our kids don't grow up too fast. Savor your childhood and youth. You're always going to have someone telling you what to do. I've become that person. Even though personally I feel so immature. It is odd feeling like a child in an adults body. But, that is the most accurate description of myself and many other people that I have met.

Being able to hold fast to the things that brought you happiness and joy is so important. No matter how much life throws at you and how busy you are there is always something. To not take the time to see those things and lose yourself is when being an adult seems so daunting. I remember when I was younger and thinking that my mom had no friends. She did but, life was life and priorities were not what they once were. Being a mom took over her life. In a big way now I am sorry that that happened. I have days where I feel like if I do not get a chance to go and be me without the interaction of children I am going to snap. I never want to lose myself or the things that make me tick. Whether it is the music, movies, books whatever. I hold those near and dear and make sure I keep them for me.

No matter how you slice it growing up and being a grown up are never easy. I just wish that there was some sort of owners manual for the mind.

Quotations a beginning

I decided that I wanted to do a compilation of quotes from different people, different places, and on different things. Just a little something so that when you don't quite know the words you want to use to describe your happiness you can find them. Something to help convey your sorrow, happiness, and love. My only hope is that you find something here that will mean something to you. 

Topic: Age

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost

After thirty, a body has a mind of its own. ~Better Midler

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young. ~Henry Ford

Every man over forty is a scoundrel. ~George Bernard Shaw

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap. ~Bob Hope

I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that.  ~Lauren Bacall

None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. ~Henry David Thoreau

Beauty

Beauty and folly are old companions. ~Benjamin Franklin

Beauty is power; a smile is its sword. ~John Ray

I define nothing. Not beauty, not patriotism. I take each thing as it is, without prior rules about what it should be.  ~Bob Dylan

I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains. ~Anne Frank

In youth and beauty, wisdom is but rare! ~Homer

My mother always called me an ugly weed, so I never was aware of anything until I was older. Plain girls should have someone telling them they are beautiful. Sometimes this works miracles. ~Hedy Lamarr

There is a kind of beauty in imperfection.  ~Conrad Hall

Change

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves. ~Carl Jung

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.  ~ Maya Angelou

The world hates change, yet it is the only thing that has brought progress.  ~Charles Kettering

Our Country The Teenager

I've realized something recently that has left me slightly disturbed. Even though I really am not a political fan I am driven more by politics than most anything else. Nothing gets my engine going more than some of the things that people say or do in regards to politics. I don't want to be a politician. There wasn't even a hint of a lie when note was made that I'd last not even five minutes. I can't do it. Never have I been noted as the one that can keep her mouth shut and just smile and act like it's all okay. Politicians are the scape goat of many and the hero to few. When I was a kid I used to want to be the first female president. I lost interest in that when Clinton ran and told everyone he didn't inhale. Be that as it may I knew right then and there I was disqualified. Do I consider that a disqualifying attribute? No not in a million years. Many, if not all of or presidents have been perpetual over achievers. This leaves them unable to handle criticism and failure well. I'm not saying let just anyone be president. What I'm saying is pick someone that knows right off the bat, you don't always get what you want. Whether it's Congress or parents someone is always going to be there to shut us down. I think having to work harder than most only gives you the resolve to make something happen. It doesn't have to be exactly the way you want it but if something happens that's better than remaining stagnent. How can a country or it's citizens move forward without the help of our ”leader”. I use this term lightly.  Not meaning lead the sheep to pasture leader. I mean the person that is supposed to be the pillar of the proverbial community.
The issue we have with other countries and their different classes is that they look at America like the jock. Big, loud and dumb. First and foremost,.every country has their jocks. This country being no different. All jocks are not dumb some are not even loud but when you look up the stereotypical jock that is what we appear to be. Just like every other country we have our scholars, our leaders, the pillars, the artists, we have it all. Even though the jocks are at times the loudest doesn't mean that they represent the people as a whole. There is one thing that we have and that's compassion. Empathy is something we hand out to those who need it and we hand it out in abundance. I think sometimes we are too empathetic. We are the first to jump to the aide of others. This is a good quality but I do not think that many countries would be willing to help us out in a time of need.
This could be because as the new country on the block we are going through our teenage years right now. Many other countries are far older than ours and went through their teenage years long ago. There are still some countries that are younger and still going through their infancy and leaning on the beliefs of its parents. I know that this sounds like a crazy comparison but really it isn't.
How is it that politicians can be so blinded to the fact that they are not helping this situation? As a whole the United States is very lucky in the fact that we can vote. I have said it before and I will say it a million times... if you do not take the time to vote your forfeit your right to an opinion on the operations of the country. You could not take the time out of  your busy schedule... I am just repeating myself again.
Getting back to the original point. With a presidency that consists of mainly over achievers that have never had the luxury of being told no when this happens they end up throwing a temper tantrum. I understand that you think that your way is the best way. Don't we all. What is hard for so many to swallow is the lack of compromise that many have. It can not simply be either the way you want it or not at all. If that were the case we would have been stuck long ago in a holding pattern that would not have allowed for much advancement.
Compromise is important for everything even better the teenager and the parents, or peers. You have to give to get and when you don't want to do that nothing gets figured out.

Forgive Me

There are so many wishy washy people these days. It's rather disheartening. Everyone has a right to change opinions. I think at some point in our life we all have had a change of heart for one reason or another. What makes me sad is that people give up so easily on others. Someone that they would have given their last dollar yesterday is not even worth a penny today. We've all made mistakes, have regrets, done some pretty despicable things to others. I have anyways, but as humans we all have a chance to redeem ourselves to come back from that pit of despair and make it better. At least we have the ability to try and make amends. Everyone should have that opportunity to ”make it up” to others. I'm sitting here now with this anxious feeling in my chest not because of me particularly but because so many people are given up on. Tossed aside by society, their family, friends, or any number of people. Labeled as no good, worthless, stupid, and useless. No one is any of those things. You are something to someone. Even if it's someone you haven't met yet. It may be someone you won't know for years but, you can never stop believing in yourself. When you no longer give yourself that one last shot at redemption or forgiveness you've truly lost.
Lack of forgiveness seems to be the one last conviction people hold on to. I would give anything to go back and just make sure some people I know knew I still cared. I didn't give up on you. I still considered you a friend even though it had been years. I kick myself, miss you, regret not having one last conversation, and I've sworn since then I would never let that happen again. It would be nice to think that people still haven't given up on me. I'm temperamental, moody, I can be angry, and bitchy. But, I love people and care about them more than what most would ever know. I let people know where they stand. If you've found a place in my heart you have it forever. Even if we lose contact and move away from talking. Times will come when you'll cross my mind, I'll wonder how you are, and hope you're okay. 
For every wrong that has ever occurred between others and myself, it's been let go of. Sure some people are not those I care to know anymore but, that's the past. There is no grudge.
Trying to understand people is one of the most difficult things that anyone can do. Some are not meant to be understood completely. People are mostly an enigma that is left to the imagination of each person. No matter how open and honest we are as people no one is a complete open book. Everyone has that one thing... that one thing that just thinking about makes them cringe and talking about it seems completely unbearable. Personally I have about five or six different things that I can think of off of the top of my head that I refuse to talk about. Mainly because it is just too difficult. Being overly emotional is not something that I look highly upon and yet I am that person. I can be hurt, scared, made to feel like less than a person, and most of the time it is not done on purpose. I am just sensitive.
In the end though I just wish that people would stick up for what they believe instead of being persuaded by others. You have that right and if someone is upset that you feel the way you do then just remember they have that right. 

Chick-Fil-A and the Case of Diarrhea of the lips

Today there is this non sense going on with Chick-Fil-A which will from here on out be a banned restaurant for my family but that is neither here nor there. The president of the business Dan Cathy stated his support for biblical principles and biblical definition of a family. 

Hiding behind religion and politics is a poor excuse to explain ignorance. You can not simply say "oh because the bible says so." Well, you can but really that is an awful answer. That is the answer of a coward who decided long ago that an education was not important. Now, by education I am not talking college, or even school. I am talking real life. To seriously try to defend your hatred with biblical shenanigans, or political propaganda is just absolutely asinine. 


See there is this whole separation of church and state thing... Remember that? Chances are that if you are on the outlaw gay marriage bandwagon you don't. I say this because the fact of the matter is your reason is immorality according to the bible. Well outlawing gay marriage because according to the bible it is wrong is an oxymoron. 


I am all for moral living. You know "Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you". Or better yet
"Do not impose on others what you do not wish for yourself." -Confucius, circa 500 BCE That is before the whole "Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you". At this point though the only thing I am saying is in order to live a moral life you do not need to follow the bible. You simply need to treat others as you would want to be treated. 


Back to the whole Chick-Fil-A nonsense. So people are flocking there like sheep because of the words that this president of the company spoke. Good for you if that is what you want to do. I am not one to force feed my opinion down anyone's throat but I am also not one that is going to sit here and read this garbage and not call it like I see it. 


Basically this is simply a case of bigots that are too scared to try and form an educated opinion on their own flocking to the one that talks the loudest. That happened with Hitler.. Yep I said it and I mean it too. Those that hide behind the words of others are the most dangerous people that exist. Those that do not question the words they hide behind are just as bad. 


The worlds opinion of our country is so far down the hole that it is just disappointing. We would like to think ourselves these educated and cultured society yet time and time again we prove that we are anything but. What is the most bothersome is that people don't care. 


I do care and I am not going to sit idly by as this group of radical what ever you want to call yourselves.. Christians such an easy veil to hide behind. Republicans which is an even easier veil. Reality is you are all just home grown terrorists that make the majority of us look bad. Sorry to be the one to break it to you but it is disgraceful that you would want to discriminate against someone because of sexual orientation when if a restaurant spoke out against fundamentalist Christianity you would all be the first to cry discrimination. 


The worst part is you bring your children up with these beliefs that are nothing short of archaic. Shame on you. I would have hoped for so much more from our society at this point in time. 


Opinions are a right of all of us as Americans this is mine. You're wrong not because of your stance on gay marriage but your stance that it is okay to force your opinion and way of life on anyone. Intolerance breeds hatred. Hatred as well all know is a terrible thing to live with. It is so much easier to sleep at night knowing that I accept people at face value. Everyone is their own person. No one not even me has a right to tell you how to live or what to think. Do not mistake what this post is about. It isn't me telling you what to think but it is me calling bull as I see it. Oh and don't get this wrong my family ban on Chick-Fil-A started years ago when I realized the food was terrible. This is just directed towards the people that refuse to see that their way is not the only way. 

Cyber Bullying

This is taken from my Tumblr... I posted it there but thought that the message should be put here as well. 

  Going through different fan tags these days I have found that some of them have become a rather unpleasant place to visit. I find this very frustrating on a couple of different levels. The main one being to begin we are all here for the same purpose. Or maybe not. I visit the tags to see new information, pictures, etc. I as most people do not come to see the drama that has become common place in so many tags.

When you hear people say that they have to scroll past the text posts because they do not want to read the negative comments it is depressing. I mean I used to love to read what people were saying now though what most people are saying has something to do with negativity towards others. Surely, a lot of people have noticed this. I have seen the words stalking. bullying, crazies, psycho, and so forth thrown out with such regularity that I have begun to wonder if people really do realize that their words have an impact on others. To purposely set out to hurt someone else is a terrible quality to have as a human being. Those words are the beginning of a nasty path that many people go down and can never get off of. To specifically set out to hurt someone just because something they said or did is not something you would have personally done is not okay. Sure disagree, we all have that right but to try and lay a verbal foundation that breeds contempt and hate is not something anyone should strive for.

Have people forgotten that there is such a thing as cyber bullying? Of course you haven't. Maybe it is just something that is ignored. It shouldn’t be though. Did you know that people have committed suicide over that very issue? Anyone remember Phoebe Prince, Megan Meier, or Ryan Halligan? These three kids took their own lives in part it is believed to be because of cyber bullying.

In order to make a difference you have to care. Being the one to take the steps to make a difference is what is important. So, often people say they won’t be the one to tear others down but when it comes to the actual moment of truth more often than not if their friends are doing it then so are they. Someone has to stand up and say "this isn’t okay" because the truth is it most certainly is not. This is the one time when standing up and not being part of the group can truly make a difference.

Words are weapons. They have been for as long as words have been around. You can use them for good and for evil. Depending on how you use them is what the most important aspect of a person is. Abraham Lincoln Good.. Adolf Hitler Bad.... Of course with both it can be said that their actions spoke volumes. I just hope that everyone realizes that what you put on a screen.. They aren't just words to some. Yes you need to think of that when you put something up. If you are joking or not there is a time and place for a joke.

"For me, words are a form of action, capable of influencing change." Ingrid Bengis. The other thing words are capable of is causing irreparable damage to others. Never should it be okay to cause this damage.

For more information on cyber bullying go to: http://www.stopcyberbullying.org

For more information on the stories of the people listed above go to: http://www.puresight.com/Real-Life-Stories/real-life-stories.html

or  http://www.meganmeierfoundation.org for Megan’s story.

This is not something that should ever be taken lightly or with a grain of salt. Don’t be the bully and don’t condone the bullies.

Dre...ams Wait Is That The Right Idea?

I have been working really hard on a couple of different things lately. It is a nice feeling to have knowing that you are moving towards something that is your ultimate goal. Even if it is just baby steps. A baby step is still a step that doesnt go backwards. That means I am moving in the right direction. 


This is a good feeling but slightly overwhelming at the same time. I mean, I keep telling myself that this is something that I have ALWAYS wanted and yet I am still nervous. Oddly enough though, the nerves are driving me forward. I am looking at everything with new eyes and realizing that maybe my hopes and dreams are not so far fetched. 


Maybe in the grand scheme of things life isnt always going to be stuck the way it is. Maybe... just maybe. You dont want to say maybe to much though because then it becomes a dream and dreams are like promises and get crushed. So instead I keep my maybe's and what ifs at bey. I keep plugging away working toward the end picture. Maybe I have that in my head. 


I am just a girl with a hope too afraid to let it be a dream. A girl with a wish that I will not add to the plans. 


Above all right now at this particular moment I think I am content. Content with moving forward slowly but surely. But, I know that maybe this is just my restlessness in disguise. What a circular motion my mind works in. Even reading and typing this I am confusing myself. 


Time to re evaluate
 

What Happened? (forgot to post the other day)

So, there was a shooting in Colorado last night during a screening of The Dark Knight Rises. To manage to put into words the disgust that I feel in regards to this situation would be I think virtually impossible. Many people dead and wounded all because some sick person decided that it was a good idea to shoot up a theater during a show.

I can not even begin to understand why this would have happened. It is people like this man that makes people like me lose faith in humanity. Stealing away someones life is not a decision that is any living person's choice to make. The fact that anyone anywhere can do something such as this baffles me. Yes I do realize that it happens everyday but the fact that anyone anywhere thinks they can do this is what makes me sick

Spinning Things Around

Things have a funny way of sneaking up on you. Feelings you didn't know you had. Desires that you thought were long gone. But, then they are there. Standing on you like a ton of bricks on a pallet.
For so long I figured everything was good. I didn't worry too much about the things I used to want. I thought I was content. The funny thing about being content and settling is that at some point the contentment dies. The wave of fear from settling rushes over you and you can't breathe. This won't work, it isn't what I wanted for me. The panic you feel is real and immediate. Wait as long as you want but, the feeling won't go away. That facade has collapsed and can not be rebuilt.
About the same time those feelings move in there is another shift. The panic isn't there but it changes you. Your desire to attain the goals you had, the life you want, the path you could have chosen had things been different. You know that this desire will burn like the eternal flame. Whether you do anything to satisfy it is the question. Ignoring the desire only burns worse but failing would destroy you.
These feelings and desires when they crash in leave you almost paralyzed with fear. You beg for the answers to come easy but, they never do. Chasing your tail you spin in circles. Stopping long enough to stop the dizzying madness that runs through your head.
Once the fear passes your path is clear and you make your move. Nothing is ever easy and the things you work the hardest for make everything totally worth while.

Waking up early enough to catch the news is never a good idea for me. I end up watching the local news. This normally ends up making me so annoyed that I end up with these rants. Sorry if they bore you but I am implored to type this all out.
In the past week there have been three bomb threats in the Detroit area. One on the tunnel to Canada and one on the Ambassador bridge to Canada. These bomb threats shut down but places respectively. Then last night there was a bob threat on Comerica park. The police, however, decided to not make an announcement to the game attendees. In all three cases no bomb was found. Shocking I know...
I have a couple issues with the whole thing though. Closing the bridge and tunnel were of course very smart decisions. Not announcing to Comerica park that there was a bomb that.. Personally I think this was a terrible choice. Yes, in the end everything was fine but, they did not give petiole a choice about whether they wanted to stay or not. I'm sorry it just seems very irresponsible to me. I would be mad to no end to find out that there was a bomb threat in a place I was and was not informed. 
I understand that these cases were just someone being absolutely ridiculous but at the same time... Well, let's just say crazy people pull off crazy crap all the time.
Then politics... Oh this just gets my goat all the time. Now before I say too much, I am not affiliated with any political party. I, to be completely honest think that most politicians are a hot mess. While I think it is more important for them to concentrate on their positives because that is what people REALLY want to hear they dwell on their competitors negatives. I get it, it's important to know negatives. However, when that's all I hear I start to think hmmm... nothing good going on for you?
What brings this on is Mitt Romney dwelling on an Obama comment. I have ears... did I mention they work too? I don't need you to tell me what he said. Also, I don't need you telling me what I should or should not be offended about. Last time I checked I was able to make decisions on my own.
I understand that some people may have been insulted by the comments Obama made. What I find more insulting is this man standing at a podium telling me that  I should be insulted. Or actually no, not me actually because I am not an entrepreneur. But, all the rich people should be insulted. Ha what a joke..
Everytime someone points out a specific demographic I just go blank. Both presidential candidates did that over the last week.

These Are The Things Nightmares Are Made Of

Today brought forth a lot of emotions. It was weird because I did not feel as though I had it in me today to end up feeling the things that I felt.
It started first by talking about religion. Yikes I do not like to go near that subject. I just know that my opinion is not the same as everyone elses. Instead of dealing with people trying to "save me" or change my mind I would rather keep to myself. Arguing is just not worth it. I do not force feed my opinion down throats and I do not take kindly to someone doing that to me. Anyway... So that conversation was brought to a screeching halt with my reply of I respect that we have differing views but at this point I am not interested. Thank you.
Then of course we go on to talking about the town that I am from. It all started like this. The town is not what it once was many many years ago. The question as to why was raised. The response was because of all the black people. I of course started seeing red at this point. There is one thing that I can not stand more than anything and that is when people always turn things to a race issue. I looked sideways at my counterpart so they knew I wanted to know more. I never want to enter a battle blindly so I make an attempt to do as much back ground checking as possible before I bring down my thunder. So, it was stated that they ran into someone and asked them why a specific church had moved out of the town. (this of course has me not only seeing red at this point but fireworks.) The reason he was given was because of all the blacks. Yep because people did not want to join the church in said town because they had to drive through a town with a lot of black people.
This is when I interjected with the following:
"First things first, I do not tolerate racism of any kind. The fact that a church... a church of all things moves from a town because of "black people" just proves my point. Religion is supposed to teach acceptance and tolerance to the members of their church. Instead of practicing what they preach that opt to move away from a demographic and feed into racial tensions and stigmas."
I do realize that religion as we all know does not teach tolerance and acceptance. To the contrary to be honest. This is just one of the things that makes me so angry. The holy attitudes when really it is just a bigot in a suit makes me physically ill.
Yes I know that not every one is like that nor is every religion but, religion so often wants to put everyone into specific compartments. You know.. The sinners, the saved, the innocent, and the worthy. I myself would be in a whole new compartment more than likely labeled "Go to hell, go directly to hell, do not pass heaven."
Hell may be an awful over statement because of one main reason. I treat people well. Under normal circumstances I would never go off like I did today but, it just was not a good day for me. I have grown up my whole life trying to make sure that people understand that I am a very non judgemental person. Sure I have my faults and downfalls. No one is perfect. Perfection is not even something I strive for. When I see that people are not tolerant in the least it hurts. It really physically hurts me deep down. Not because I think that everyone should be like me. What a crazy messed up world it would become. The reason is this country the USA has fought for freedom. Freedom that every race has fought and lost lives for.
It is heart breaking to know that people wrote speeches such as the "Gettysburg Address" and "I Have A Dream" with the sole hope of moving past the sentiments that people still carry today. Sure we have all made great movements forward towards the equality that we do have today. Poison thoughts, words and deeds by others though just ruins what so many have worked so hard for.
Religion to me at times seems so much like a super villain that it is almost scary. On the outside it is saying it is doing good but behind closed doors what is it really doing?
So, this conversation ended with us. We moved on to another conversation but, the chill to my core knowing that somewhere out there some church moved because of what they referred to as "black people" makes me sick.
What I think everyone needs to do is think back to this. Would you want to be treated that way? No... then don't do it to someone else. If you want respect from me then treat everyone with respect all the time. Period end of story. 

The Question

As the day comes to an end and you have a minute to reflect on your life. Your friends, family, and life in general what do you think? Are you happy? Do your friends put as much into your friendship as you do? What about your family? I do not think of these things often but when I do I tend to think that my answers though slightly depressing to some are truthful to the way a lot of people feel. Of course maybe that is just my optimistic attitude but, well the pessimist in me does not think so.

Now, I have talked about the end of the day for me in the past but, I have to admit that even though it sounds sad and depressing I am used to the way it goes. I am not sad or depressed about it. As a matter of fact I have grown rather accustomed to how it is and have grown quite fond of it.

As for the first posed question. When I think about those three things in the question friends, family and life I have very complex answers for them. Though they are complex I can sum them up quickly yet get the point across. No one wants to read something sad and boring for crying out loud. So, this is my attempt to make this not sad or boring.

Friends are something that I firmly believe you get one or two good ones that you can count on and the rest are aquaintences. I would love to believe that I have that although I think that when you are the one doing 90% of the contacting that leads to the conclusion that no that is not a good friend. I have heard excuses galore but the fact of the matter is you do not pick up the phone. Keep in mind I do not have an open door policy. Stopping by unannounced is just another way to show you dont know me.

Family is good. Dysfunction is cool. Although I think that everyone and everything is dysfunctional. So, I guess that means that family is normal. There really is not much to complain about. I am sure if I sit here long enough I can think of something.

My life is redundant with no sign of spontaneity. But, then again if there was a sign doesnt that negate the definition proper?

All in all I am happy. Bored but happy. Bored is okay in small doses. I would rather have excitement in larger doses but I am good. Too much excitement is redundant as well. There is such thing as too much of a good thing.

Marvel.....ous

Yesterday my inner geek, or not so inner depending on who you ask got the biggest surge of excitement since The Avengers came out. Marvel announced at SDCC that Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man would be movies. They also released the title of Thor 2 and Captain America 2. Yes while at work I may have had a moment of over excitement that may not have looked the best. How was I going to contain myself though? I mean seriously this is just too exciting. It leads to the question.. What movie is Thanos going to be in? Holy, I can barely contain myself. I of course wanted to call my brother as soon as twitter quit blowing up for me.  I didn't though because working midnights means my midday is most peoples midnight.
Instead of calling him I made sure that all of the release dates are in my calendar so that I can get the days off work for the midnight shows.
Which leads me to talking to my brother today. He is probably just as excited as me.  If not more. We speculated about who the villains were going to be. Neither of us know for sure but I think his Thanos theory is likely. We will see though.
The only thing I am surprised about is no Hulk movie yet. I understand prior Hulk films did not do well. But, prior Hulk films did not have Mark Ruffalo. Anyone that is a Hulk purest at least in my eyes would say Mark plays the character close to what we grew up on. And that to me was Bill Bixby. He was Bruce Banner and always will be in my eyes.
You have to understand when The Avengers came out I was excited for Loki. What can I say the magic that is Tom is not lost on me. I, however, was so interested in Mark playing the Hulk the first time. As I watched the movie Loki was not at the front of my mind. I love the Hulk. I have since I was a kid and watched the show with my dad. That and the six million dollar man. I digressed though. I just hoped and maybe even said a little prayer if that's what you would call the inner monologue with myself that Mark could pull this off. He did more than pull it off though. After he pulled it off he knocked it out of the park.
Marvel I implore you to make a Hulk movie. From the origins. I'll help with the script. Give me my childhood dream... I promise I'll go see it five times at least.
So as the next couple of years go by for me I'm glad to know Marvel will be making more movies that I'm no doubt going to love. Love in the way only my geeky self can. And believe me I mean that in the highest sense of the word.

Normalcy the New Weird

Being normal is something that I think everyone strives to be. Although if you ask most people the definition of normal is very different for everyone. I think that when you try and try and try to fit in somewhere you become less you. Maybe that is what normal is. People trying to be part of a collective that no one ever truly will be.
What made me think of this is I know that most people would never consider me normal. I, however, would consider myself very normal. At least normal for me. So, even though people may think I am weird or a nerd. Is it that  odd that I have the Marvel movies with release dates in my calendar for the next two years? That is normal to me.
I think that when you try to fit in with a group no matter how much you have to change if you are changing at all you are becoming less normal at least for you. I think that instead of everyone worrying about being normal to every one else maybe they should think more about if they are normal to themselves.
If everyone fit into a mold of normalcy then it ceases to be normal and becomes a collective. Our own modern day Stepford. I think everyone can agree that there is no way that was normal.
So, as I go gently into this good night I embrace my weirdness like a teddy bear. Knowing when I get up what I am is normal. My normal..

Rejection... Adding to the story of me.

Rejection it's just one of those things we all have to deal with. Regardless of how comfortable and charmed our lives are things happen. Life lets us down. People let us down and prospective careers let us down.
Getting a no is never easy to hear. Sometimes I think nails on a chalk board would be easier. But, from that no a couple of things can happen. First, you give up. Roll over, play dead, and just let everything happen to you, not for you. The other thing that can happen is you set your mind. You make it happen. I know what I want and no matter how long it takes I will get there.
I refuse to be had. Rejection won't stifle my voice, or change my mind.  Deep down underneath all the insecurities and lack of confidence that has become my silent tomb there is a voice. One that wants to yell, I have something to say and I'm going to say it. Though my confidence may waiver I know that it is going to be worth it.
Walking into the sunlight that blinds me to the future is not easy. Life was never meant to be easy. But, faith in myself and in my hopes and dreams is what pushes me forward. So, into the sun I walk. Glasses in hand with a story in my heart and a song in my head. Rejection only adds to the story of me. Each and everyday it grows and becomes more interesting.
No I'm not sad, I'm not happy, but I'm good. Moving forward at a steady pace. Slow and steady wins a race but when you aren't racing you can move as you choose. Each and every step calculated or haphazard the person it matters most to is you. Just always remember rejection gives you a choice. But, you are the only one that can decide. It is you and you alone that holds the keys to your future.
Nothing is predestined.

Napoleon Complex for Girls.

I have never been the voice of reason. Never been one to always remain calm. Actually it has been quite the opposite for most of my life. I usually fly off the handle at the blink of an eye. Or I should say I used to. Now, I grit my teeth and walk away. I do that because I have come to realize that getting mad is giving power to everyone else and losing your own. Instead I have gained the ability to communicate with people in an effective way. I refuse to give them the power that is mine.

I try to be a peacemaker even though I get the feeling that people think that makes me a push over. This is false of course. I am not naive. I can tell when people are lying to me and trying to take advantage of certain situations. I more often then not will not allow that to happen to me. Every once in a while it does but I try to be my voice of reason.

The realization hit me today when I was talking with a friend. I think I like debating and writing things that make people think because I have a female Napoleon complex. I know that sounds silly but it really is the truth. No it isn't penis envy. I just really have always felt that I have to work extra hard to prove myself as a valuable person. Be it because I am short or what I do not know.

Question my intelligence and it is like you are opening up a can of worms that most people would rather keep closed. There are very few things in life that I am sure of but, one thing that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that I am no slouch when it comes to mental capacity. By no means do I think I am the smartest person in the world. I can think of people that would make me look terrible right away. But, I can also say that there are many others who can not.

At any rate, I have tried to explain things to people in a diplomatic sort of way. Most of the time it works and I can keep my cool. Sometimes I can not and when that happens I do step back and reevaluate what I am upset about. More often then not it is something that I just need to reword if even for myself.

Whenever you think you're getting ahead there is always something there to sneak up from behind. I mean that in the cleanest of senses.

Eating Paste... Good Times... Good Times

Nostalgia is something that has always been very important to me. I have always been the type of person that remembers smells, sounds, and sights that become very specific to me.

I remember being a kid at my grandmas house. Playing outside around her lilac bushes. Running through them was always so much fun. To this day that smell makes me think of her. She has been gone for over a year but that smell still brings her smile to the forfront of my mind's eye.

Any time I hear Willie Nelson Always On My Mind I think of my other grandma. I just remember hearing that song with her when I was very little. She has been gone almost five years and just thinking about the opening line of that song brings tears to my eyes.  I really miss her so much. She was my sounding board and friend above being grandma. She was too young when she left and it still upsets me to this day.

When I hear Gloria from Shadows of Knight I always think of my uncle. Just sitting in the basement listening to that on the record player. The scratch of the needle on vinyl, the gritty singer, the guitars oh that song just makes me so happy to this day. Any time I hear a record though the scratch of the vinyl I think of my uncle. Just a very cool time in my life.

When I see Lassie I think of my old dog. When I hear tags cling on a dog collar I think of her. I always leave two tags on my dog to cling together just so I can hear that sound. It reminds me of being a kid and running around the yard with her. You could always hear her coming.

I have talked about other songs in past posts that remind me of things. Music really played a major role in my life growing up. There are songs that I still have a hard time listening too. There are movies that I can not watch.

I could make a list a mile long that would talk about the things that remind me of other things but it would end up being even more boring to everyone else but me.

Manners

Manners-

I think that because I have my two kids I am starting to become even more aware of manners than I was before. Don't get me wrong my mom raised me to have manners and be polite and kind. I am to this day. However, when I was younger others being rude never seemed to bother me as much as it does now. It is not even just the please and thank you thing. I know that I have talked about that at least once before. The other thing that annoys me to no end is when people do not say excuse me. I mean if I am walking past you and I stand even the slightest chance of bumping into you I am going to say excuse me.

Excuse me is one of those things that I think for a lot of people have gone totally missing. I do not quite understand why people have lost this but it is sad. I bump into you and then act like it is your fault. Who on earth thinks that is right?

What is even more disturbing to me is the fact that kids these days seem to have zero respect for others. It really does come across like their parents do not even care enough to teach these simple things. I mean without common manners and courtesy you are setting your children up for failure. Without being polite people are not going to want to help you. They are not going to want to go out of their way to make sure that you are okay. A simple thank you can go a long way. A simple excuse me can go even further.

I just think that in a society where people seem to be becoming less and less civilized reintroducing manners could go a long way. Just my thought on the subject. If you want to raise children with bad manners that is on you but if my kids don't say please, thank you or excuse me they get a serious talking to.

Leave Sleeping Bears.. I Mean Me Alone

So many people these days take it upon themselves to just do as they want. I mean with zero respect for anyone else that they may be infringing upon in the process. It is hard to justify this when others can blatantly see that you are making others miserable. When avoidance becomes someones norm there is something seriously wrong. Not just with them but the ones causing this behavior in them.

I have witnessed a lot of things that have really started to bother me to the point of actually feeling rather guilty. Do I think that I personally have gone out of my way to make the situation worse, no but I definitely do not think that I made it any better or easier to deal with. Maybe I am the jerk. Yes I do believe that I am in a way. But, I just think that maybe I am a little more humane than some. There is no way that I can justify in my head a lot of things. I wish that I could.

Making someone miserable is just something that I can't justify. I do not see how another person can. I can put this in very specific terms without being an outright ass. When I come home from work in the morning after working all night the last thing that I want to do is deal with phone calls or with people. I am tired and the one and only thing on my mind is getting some rest. It most certainly is not appeasing the people that happen to call or whatever. I find it rude and intruding that people expect to be appeased that early in the morning. In reality I would love to just say "Get bent" but I am just not that mean.

Treating someone like they are a snake on display at the zoo is just not fair to them. I mean put yourself in their shoes.Would you like people hounding you at all hours of the day? I think that 99% of the people in the world would say no. That does not sound appealing in the least to just about everyone. Yet many people don't care because if they are getting something that they want out of the deal it is okay for them to act in this way. It is very difficult for me to understand how this can be rationalized as okay.

I think that it always boils down to having respect for people has human beings. When you call someone and they say that they were sleeping what is so hard about calling back or letting them call you back when it is convenient. Same goes for visiting if it is clear that they are not in shape to visit. As in look tired or obviously getting ready to get into bed then STOP. Take a step back and think about what you are doing. Do you really think it is fair of you to do that? How would you like it if I came by at 3:00 a.m.? You would be asleep but I could keep you from sleeping. Then you would know how I feel. It is the same thing, my schedule just is opposite. I do not care if most of the ever loving world is awake when I am sleeping. What matters to me is I am sleeping.

On that note I am done with this rant. Take a look in the mirror next time you are asking for the things that you want, if the shoe was on the other foot would you be okay with it?

Randomness

Recently I started this blog because I wanted my voice heard. I have talked about movies, books, music, actors, and politics. The latter of the list is my least favorite subject although it seems to evoke the most emotion from me. I think because people have such a lack of respect for the fact that everyone has an opinion. Especially when it comes to the subject of politics.

Working day in and day out on everything else that life has brought my way makes some things very difficult. This, however, is not one of them. What is "this"? Writing is what this is. Even when I am very busy I compose my thoughts in my head in such a way that I can hopefully convey them in a clear and concise manner.

I thought about my life and me as a person and realized that I do tend to keep myself in this little box. It is comfortable but confining none the less. Almost like a birds cage, or a hamsters habitat. Yes they are for the most part comfortable but they are very confined as opposed to how they would probably choose to live if given the choice. I touched on this before.

I have started pushing myself further out of the box though. I have been making efforts to blow the lid off that thing. Okay not blow the lid off of it but, at least bend the edges some. I think blowing the lid off of it would be like catching me with my pants down. Highly uncomfortable for us all. Something we would all beg to forget and soon.

At any rate, this here blog was a big start for me. I have a strong voice that I always wanted heard but, was always to afraid to talk. I have thrown that out the window like a cigarette butt into the wind. Sure I tone down a lot of opinions for the sake of people reading. I do this because when it all comes down to it, I do not like to force feed my opinion to everyone. I think there is a right and wrong way to come across especially when passionate about something.

Facts are facts and that is something that people have to be able to accept. Opinions are like armpits everyone has a couple.

Debatable Rant

So I wrote about Detroit because I felt the need to do so. I wrote about the state and politics because I was mentally implored by my subconscious to do this. But, I try very hard to keep too much of my opinion out of a lot of things. Certainly not because I am not opinionated. Also, not because I am not educated enough to form a complete opinion about a subject but because I do not like to argue about said opinion.

Debates are good but, so often people can not have a healthy debate without getting bent out of shape. Not to mention that when I am forming an opinion I can see why people may have an opinion other than mine. I respect that so much. However, if you can not respect the fact that your opinion is not law and that other people think differently then to be honest I do not want to hear about said opinion. Many times when this type of situation arises I tend to argue the other side even if your opinion and mine are similar. Devils advocate is one of my favorite plays when it comes to a good ole debate. I think the advantage I have is that I can see most everything from both sides. It comes in very handy at times.

Now that I have completed this post it is time to compose something a little more substantial. 

Lack Of Sleep And Such

As I sit here with a notion to get things done but not with the desire to actually accomplish them I realize that I am still tired. I managed about 5 hours sleep and think maybe it would do me good to get a few more hours. Being as though I am not completely sure that I will be able to accomplish this. I am just sitting here. Mindlessly typing what ever comes into my head. Sometimes I think this works best for me because I tend to have deeper thoughts when I am like this.

First things first though I always get slightly nervous when my house is as quiet as it currently is. No kids, no TV just the sound of the click on the keyboard. When you are used to a lot of chaos, movement and noise quiet is scary. It is just one of those things that I was used to before but now not at all. If I am not awake by 7 because of my kids I wake up anyways. Then I of course wonder what is going on. Something must be terribly wrong if I have not been woken by then.

Although now that I sit here and think about it I really miss this part of me. Being able to just sit down and think about things that have nothing to do with normal everyday stuff is nice. Trying to catch up on everything though is difficult.

But, now that my eyes are heavy and my head is swimming I think that I will just lay down and rest a little. After all what is better for the sleep deprived then a little extra sleep. This to shall continue

Word of the day is Sweltering

As I sit here thinking there are a few other things I should be doing I am reminded that it is too damn hot right now. The sad part, it is 7:20 p.m.
I spent the afternoon at the movies with my brother watching Snow White and the Huntsman and the Avengers for the forth time. What can I say? While at the theater I decided that movie seats after about 2.5 hours are no longer comfortable. I mean like very very very uncomfortable. I could not sit still for the life of me.
All in all it was a good afternoon.
Now, I just hope that I can sleep tonight. I do not think that is going to be possible. But, I am going to give it the best effort I can.

Post night
Of course adding to this now I can confirm I did not sleep. I can also confirm that Michigan has moved closer to the sun. All this heat never happens.
The last thing I can confirm is that I just rambled about the weather. You know what that means? I'm getting old. Damn

Insomnia Speaks

It's 2:10 a.m. and my body being eternally messed up because of working midnights has left me awake again. I am not exactly sure how one would best remedy this situation besides working days. Unfortunately, at this point in my career that is not an option.
Yesterday went by in a fog, and I believe that I am well on my way with today as well. I should sing from the rooftops I am so excited about this fact. But, that would solidify in my neighbors minds that I am crazy. So, I will just dance cause no one is watching.
Now I am all hopped up. A feeling that can be good at times but when most of the free loving world is sleeping it stinks. What I am left to do is sit at the computer and stare at a screen and randomly type this silly crap. I could be reading but I am not sure that I could sit still long enough to finish a story and that would leave me frustrated. So, I am resigned to the fact that I am going to go through tomorrow very tired. Of course I am also going to be looking for something to keep me awake oh and alert.

Round Two Hair Bands Strike Back

First, I didn't realize Lita Ford still performed. Second, Poison still only cares about boobs. Third, the drummer from Def Leppard still only has one arm. (thank you bloodhound gang).
As for the people... This year they were not nearly as interesting. There were of course the guys with mullets who's man boobs were just terrible, hanging out everywhere.. The women were still wearing clothes that were way too small.. And not in a good way.
Last year everyone was fairly happy go lucky. This year drunk and belligerent was the theme. This started right off the bat. The minute Lita Ford took the stage the verbal shenanigans began. It started with warm beer. Now I get it.. No one likes warm beer. I, myself can't stand it period. However, we as the VOLUNTEERS that work these stands have zero control over said temperature of beer. So that's where it begins.
Then the beer taps weren't working. It could have been the beginning of the Armageddon the way these people were acting. Of course the beer decides not to work at the intermission between Lita Ford and Poison. So as busy as we were we got no mercy.
Believe me when I say I understand the frustration. I would be frustrated too. Yelling at me isn't going to fix the tap though. There is nothing I can do to fix this. Again, volunteer that's all.
Poison took the stage. Not sure what it is about them.. Maybe Brett Michaels and his creepy extra pouty lips or the fact that they still sing about mama's fallen angel and they are pretty close to fifty but something really bugs me. Not that I had much time to think about it because we were so busy.
At about the time that Poison left the stage we were not only having beer issues still but, we ran out of water. Yep that's right. So people were extra cranky and extra buzzed at this point. Luckily when they could not fix the taps they gave us canned beer to serve. Our bartender ditched us so I ended up playing bartender/cashier/sounding board. Bartender was no big thing. I don't mind pouring drinks, hell it's better than beer taps blowing in your face. I think in terms of beer I wore more than I poured. This continued for the rest of the night.
Back to the people which is by far the most interesting part. Drunk is a mild term for what these people were. We were getting to the point of cutting people off. But that is neither here nor there. A lot of the attendees of said concert were the mean drunk kind of people. At one point I had to contain myself due to the racial slurs one women was using. Had she been my customer I would have told her to leave and go somewhere else. Being as she was not my customer though I didn't say a word.
The theme for ladies this year was tight clothes and, pink....cowboy hats. I'm not sure why. I'm assuming because Brett Michaels the perpetual heart throb wears cowboy hats over his bandana with fake hair. This assumption could be completely off but I have a feeling I'm absolutely right. There were a lot of short skirts, day glow colors (isn't that more Wham than Def Leppard). Also there were lots and lots of sequins everywhere.
I think what bothers me the most is everyones denial of age and acting like they were 22 again. There is nothing wrong with letting go once in a while. Let's face it though, when you have kids and attempt to wear a tube top with no..... support the girls just aren't the same.
Def Leppard took the stage and I do not know why I like them as much as I do but I won't deny it. I will not shout it from the rooftops or anything but I won't deny either. Luckily, we stopped serving alcohol close to mid set for them because we ran out of the canned beer. Oh and did I mention we ran out of pretzels and most everything. It was a really annoying concession night. 
And, now that my eyes are burning and my head still hurts my recap of hair bands is complete.
Kiss me deadly mamas fallen angel after you pour some sugar on me... Yep it was a long night. I think I'll take a shower and wash the stench of Bud Light off.
Round two: well played hair bands well played. Oh and yes there were a lot of bees.

Hair Bands Strike Back

Anyone that has read my blog in the past may remember the Emergency Room Vs. Hair Bands entry.. Well I am pleased to make note that I will be working at a concert tonight for Def Leppard and Poison. So I will have many more stories of the tragedy that is being stuck in that time period.
Spandex, cut offs and aqua net galore will be the theme. I just love love seeing this. The commentary that runs through my head it just awesome. I can not wait. Report will follow. Probably tomorrow morning.

Until then remember Every Rose Has Its Thorn and if you Pour Some Sugar on that rose you get a lot of bees.

Detroit An Important Place

A lot of people think Detroit and they think dangerous, disgusting, dirty, worn out, broken down, and scary. Yes, it is all of those things to the naked eye. I can say that until recently it was all of those things for me. I never wanted to go downtown because I would get so nervous. Until about a year ago when I went down there with a friend. I looked at everything with brand new eyes. Eyes that shockingly did not see ugly, dangerous or gross. They saw the beauty that is truly there.
This beauty may not be appreciated by all. Maybe not by most but it is there. You just have to take a second to look at it. When I talk about the Detroit train station most people see this

 When really all you have to do is use your imagination and you can see what it used to be. Although I think the first picture is beautiful others see a run down building. It is that but it is so much more also.

 Below is a picture of the Fox Theater Downtown. Honestly one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. I was there once for a play. I did not pay that much attention to the play because I was in such awe of the building and its beauty.

But, there is so much to Detroit. It is the home of Motown records. The Motown Museum is amazing. So much rich history about the music industry that was once so important to the city. Detroit is the Motor City. We built cars and we built them good. Starting with the Model T and moving forward.
From Henry Ford to Barry Gordy the city was built on the backbones of these men and what a city it was.
It used to be so rich in culture. The Detroit Science Center which is closed now with hopes of reopening. I remember going there when I was a kid. It was just so phenomenal. I went there four years ago for the human body exhibit. It was still as amazing as an adult as it was when I was a kid. We have the Detroit Institute of Arts which is spectacular. The Opera House, and the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History are here also.
There would not be a loss of things to do when coming to Detroit. There is an active nightlife, plenty of culture, and for those that want to gamble there are casinos too.
Yes Detroit is not what it once was. Can you tell me anything that is? The state of the economy has precipitated the urban decay that many think of when they think of Detroit. Like every big city it has its drawbacks. It can be crowded and congested. We have a hockey team, a baseball team and a football team that have stadiums downtown. If there is more than one event going on it can get very crowded and congested.
A lot of things do not help the city. Constant negative press will do nothing but hinder the city so many people call home. Some of the press may be justified but, other times it is not the city that deserves the negativity. A mayor that just about ran the city to the ground, moved it to the verge of bankruptcy and is now spending his time in jail is what should get the brunt of the negativity. That though is on him not the city.
Detroit to me is more of a metaphor for the state of the country today. The state of the people also. Working harder and harder and getting no where. At times it gets frustrating because whether what is on the news is true or not we should all care about the city. It should never be a race issue. Whatever race you are you should if you are from Michigan have a loyalty to the city that many people lack these days. This area of rich culture is falling away from all of us and instead of everyone working together to save it we are all pushing against each other. Nothing ever gets better unless you work hard and want to make things better.
Yes I am just a suburbanite that comes to the city to visit. I am aware, but I come to the city because I want to and I like it not because I have to. I can see the beauty that is beyond the broken windows, caved in roofs, abandoned buildings, and grime. I just hope that sometime very soon people can see past the differences in the way they want to fix things and just work toward the greater good. I love my state and I love this city, to see it literally bleeding to death is devastating, heartbreaking even. When the city dies all this history goes along with it. Sure people will know about it, but it will not be the same. You would not have the opportunity to experience the history for yourself. If people were as passionate about Detroit as they were old Tigers Stadium would things have ever gotten this bad? I don't think so not even close.

The Golden Rule Not Shower

I firmly believe in treating others as you would like to be treated. If you strut around like a pretentious ass eventually people are going to not want to be around you and start treating you as such.
This goes for everyone. When you do something and then turn around and secretly or not so secretly act disgusted when other people do the same you're being a hypocrite.
I have always tried to be respectful, kind, and courteous to everyone I meet. Perfect I'm not. Never have been never will be. However, for all that I'm not I am still a decent being.
I make mistakes, you make mistakes. When it comes down to it pants are put on the same way. We aren't different. What makes the difference is whether or not you can admit your wrong doings when you know you are wrong. This I still have a hard time with. I try to do this but I am not great about it.
Please and thank you go a long way. Maybe it's working in a hospital and taking care of people but when you neglect to say thank you... You're neglecting a responsibility to be courteous to others. Instead of just asking someone to give you something say please. Really it isn't hard. It's one extra word.
I think that it is true that you can be kind to a fault and that can sometimes bite you in the toosh. However, when you are nice to someone it shows you care. Even if you don't know someone and they look lost ask them if they need help. There have been many times in my life when I have been lost and had someone stopped to help me instead of letting me find my way on my own I would have been eternally grateful. That could have saved a lot of time and pain.
I am not trying to be all preachy at all. To be honest everyone is free to make their own decisions. I just know that I am a happier person for living life by this simple rule. The Golden Rule is what they call it. I call it common courtesy.

See I told you it had nothing to do with a golden shower.

Meeting Tom Hiddleston

This video was done by Carley. I love it. It is like reliving the whole experience over and over again. It was an amazing moment.

This is my resulting picture..

.

That was a great day. I will always remember it and I will never forget the girls I was with.

Meetings

Work meetings piss me off. At the end of my twelve hours I would much rather go home thank you very much. And that's all I've got to say about that.

Slacker

When you try so hard to make something happen it always seems to fail. Once you give up hope everything seems to work out the way you want it. At least that has been my experience. Of course, this leaves me with the following feeling. Why try to do anything you want. It's once you give up that it happens.
I guess what gets me is we are always taught to work hard. Always make sure you try your best and so forth. That of course never seems to work for me. Yes many people say they worked hard for what they got. A number though just happened to be in the right place st the right time. So I'm going to just do what I do... Yep that's be a slacker.

Morning Glory

I'm not a morning person. I never have been. Even as a kid I hated mornings. I never used to be quite sure as to why this was but I think I figured it out.
Sleep to me is amazing. It helps me escape the mess that is the day. Not to mention dreams. Dreams to me are spectacular. I always look exactly how I think I should. This for the most part is not much like what I look like daily. I'm so much more glamorous in my dreams.
I don't like waking up to an alarm. It jerks me out of sleep and leaves me feeling very anxious. I hate that feeling. It's awful.
The biggest thing is everyone else always seems to be so damn happy. Why? I mean honestly just because your happy and  ”glad to be alive” doesn't mean everyone else is.  Well I'm glad to be alive but the whole happy to be awake.. Meh... Give me until 11:00 and ask me again. Right around then is when my brain starts to function as a completely lucid adult. Before that I'm kinda on auto pilot.
So, I'm not a morning person... that translates to leave a message at the beep.... Beep

Politics Makes My Head Spin

There is something about political election campaigns that make me crazy. I can't stand the constant bashing of one another. I mean seriously? The two of you are at the top of you're political games and insist on mud slinging. We as the American people are not dumb neither one of you are perfect. You're wasting money and time trying to convince us you are. The illusion of politicians being perfect was shattered along time ago.
Debates great, of course that's when it is about relevant issues. Healthcare, the economy, jobs, and foreign relations are relevant. Beating a dead horse over a birth certificate is not.
The other thing that gets me is the lack of voter responsibility. It is very discouraging to see so many people not take the initiative to go and vote. Once you make that decision to not vote you forfeit your right to complain. Who do you really think you are that you complain but couldn't take the five minutes out of your time to cast a ballot?
These people that govern over our state and our country are put there by us.
When you think about not voting remember that our government is supposed to be ” of the people, for the people and by the people”. When you choose not to take the initiative to make the government in part by you how can you expect it to be for you?
I'm not a political person. I don't like talking about politics because it just causes issues. People get way bent out of shape so in advance this is ” just like my opinion, man” This is just something that went through my head this morning as I was watching the news. Of course, the news just is depressing. But, politicians acting like a bunch of first graders seeing who can say what first just... Ugh. You're adults act it. Since when do adults think they are perfect? I can freely admit I'm not. Far from it to be honest. I have no problem with it either. Reason being, I'm human and no one is perfect. At some point everyone makes mistakes, just own it. Politics is no different, it's run by humans it can't be perfect. Yet many expect it to be. That's slightly confusing to me. Some days that isn't difficult. 

My Comic Book Life

I've come to the realization that in my comic book of a life I'm my own villain. I'm also my own super hero at the same time. How can this be? I've thought that myself a few times. It's simple though.
Daily things happen. Be them good or bad I alone am the one that has the ability to decide. Some days they end up bad some days good. It just depends on my mood.
I have sabotaged many things in my life like a supervillain. Seen things happen that were terrible and been okay with it.
It's also me who has to be the superhero and pick up the pieces and fix things. Doing so is difficult because you have to admit you were wrong in the first place. But, that is part of being human and having less of an ego and more of a conscience.
No one ever wants to admit when they are wrong. Even when I try to make things right that part is the hardest. It takes the longest and when I do admit I was wrong that's the hardest to let go of.
I can't exactly equate myself to one specific ”hero”. One thing is for sure though... ” you wouldn't like me when I'm angry”.

Living in This State

      I live in a state where the job rate is low. I believe third highest unemployment rate in the country. This is also the place where some people would rather turn to crime than look for jobs. They have children to get more money from the state. In reality there aren't many jobs to look for so some see this as the only way.
I'm not saying everyone here is like that. I'm not even saying most people here are like that. But, there are those that are.

      This is also the state where the former metropolis is on the verge of bankruptcy. The mayor who is supposed to save them is a retired basketball player. The city council doesn't want anyone from the state to help because they may be white. The solution cut more police jobs in a city where crime runs rampant and they can't show up to half the 911 calls. 

      Schools are expected to function with less funds. Which cuts teacher jobs increasing classroom sizes. This leaves the students with less one on one time with the teacher. In turn many are left behind. We wonder why test scores drop and behavior is dramatically worse. How come we wonder why proficiency is low and the country in all is falling so far behind the rest of the world?

      Families can't feed their children or clothe them. Even with jobs many struggle. This is the state that appears to help those who won't help themselves. Yet leaves the ones who legitimately try to make it to suffer when their wages fall short.  So much animosity has grown between the upper, middle and lower class that it's not hard to tell which is which.

      The state's in so much debt it is having a hard time functioning yet wants to cut peoples professional licenses. This would be money that goes to the state. They cut tax incentives to the movie industry which was bringing in some revenue for a while.

      The politics of the state are bringing us down. We elect these officials. (those that vote do anyways) Yet they seem to be bringing us down further and further.

      Higher education is virtually unobtainable by most. Which adds fuel to the fire of unemployment because qualifications are low. Universities of course insist on raising costs for attendance.

      It's a sad state of affairs when everything and everyone are working against the state for improvement.
It's even more sad when it seems like the citizens of this state don't want to do anything to improve the situation.

Contentment and Restlessness

     I never really know what I'm going to do from one minute to the next. Some days I'm very content while other days I'm restless to no end. I am not sure what scares me most the contentment or restlessness.
To be content at times makes me feel as though I've settled for something. I feel as though my life is okay to remain mundane and boring. Never once when I was younger did I think that was me. I was always going to be out there. Racing for the stars, saying what I feel writing my heart out and having it heard. I wanted to be something. I wanted to be noticed. Somehow I lost this somewhere. In between kids and a normal career I lost a lot. I lost me.

     Now don't get me wrong. I love my children. They make me happy and make me smile. I just feel like I'm always locked into this life of schedules and routines. Always having something to do is tedious.
Some days I get thoughts in my head for my book and I have to just let them go thinking I'll remember later. Nine times out of ten I forget them because the events of the day have drove them so far from my memory that I forget they were there in the first place.

     Being restless though is no better. Nothing is wrong with wanting more. Not being sure how to get it and not wanting to wait in one place makes it difficult to achieve things though. I've had days where I feel like the lion at the zoo pacing back and forth is more relaxed than me. Cages or a house it all works out to be the same thing in the end. You can never truly run free. There is always something that holds you there. Maybe my feeling of contentment is truly false. Maybe it's my minds way of making it okay. Even though I never really will be. It isn't because I don't love the stuff I have or the people in my life but I feel as though I am not reaching my potential.

     I guess I should remember ” Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act”. Thank you Truman Capote.

     I just hope I haven't gotten to the bad third act yet.

True Crime and Me (Not what you think)

I'm not really sure what my deal is with true crime. I have this need to watch or read things having to do with spree or serial  killing. I don't watch it or read it because I aspire to be anything like them I want to clear that up in advance. I just think that they are interesting. Especially unsolved acts such as Jack the Ripper or the Zodiac. It just blows my mind that people can be so cruel. It also baffles me even more that they never got caught and will never be caught. Right now I'm watching something about Jack the Ripper in America. They make some interesting points about how he escaped England and came to America to continue his killings. Do I truly believe he came here. Eh, no... Does the thought strike some sort of interest in me? Yes of course. I mean it's one of, if not the most notorious unsolved crimes in history. It's just like with the Zodiac, the blood shed just abruptly stops. It to me is odd. Premier detectives trying in vain to solve crimes with the speculation of the public being everywhere. Sometimes I wonder if that hurt and hindered the investigation as opposed to helping it. Ah, of course it did.

Then there is Lizzie Bordon. Where do I begin? I can say honestly that when it comes to a notorious spree in the States this to me is it. Second, maybe to Andrew Cunanan who killed Gianni Versache. That however, was solved. The whole Lizzie Borden thing technically was never solved. She was acquitted on the charges of murder against her for the death of her father and step mother. Then she lived out her natural life as an old maid in the same city that they were murdered in. It's an interesting story to read really. As for why I've always been taken by this I think it's for two reasons. One- there is a child rhyme about the hideous crime. Everyone has had to have heard it at one point or another. ” Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks, when she saw what she had done she gave her father forty one.” It is so creepy. Second- growing up with my name I can not tell you how many times I heard about Lizzie Borden, heck I still hear about her. I think what gets me is she was technically found not guilty of those crimes but she was labeled and could never get past that. So as I finish Jack the Ripper in America and start to watch Lizzie Borden Had An Axe I can't help but being sucked in.

Emergency Room Vs. Hair Bands

I tweeted last night that I love working in the emergency room because it's better people watching than a Poison concert.

I got self conscious afterwards figuring oh people are going to think I'm totally into hair bands. I must clarify this on a couple different levels. Level one the only time I was at a Poison concert I was working a concession stand not watching Poison. Level two if I lied and said I completely couldn't stand hair bands I would feel like a total liar. I mean who doesn't like some Def Leppard once in a while? No one answer that please just leave me under my veil of thinking once in a while everyone does.

The people watching at that concert though was some of the most phenomenal I've witnessed. It was like the clock turned back to me being ten. Except everyone had aged. They dressed the same though. Oh believe me it was a sight. Kids carrying out drunk parents, women wearing clothes that they probably shouldn't have worn 20 years ago. It was remarkable. Men with mullets which sounds like the name of a TV show were everywhere. The stench of Aqua Net was so strong the air was practically flammable.

Now working in the emergency room you see lots of people. I find the drunk ones the most funny. They come in wreaking of Wild Turkey and Colt 45 yet swear they had nothing to drink. The other ones that baffle me are the screamers. Screaming I can't breath... Yeah I said that screaming they can't breath... That alone makes me laugh. If you can't breath you definitely couldn't scream.

You have to remove yourself from a lot of situations to keep from stressing out and cracking. I often find myself thinking about other stuff during a crisis because if I think about how bad it really is I lose my cool. It's never a good idea to lose your cool at that moment. For some it's life and death and if I'm singing songs from movies in my head hey at least your alive.

So I guess I over stated the whole thing. At least at the Poison concert I'm carefree and laughing about people. At work sometimes or most the time I have to kill the stress.