Thursday, July 19, 2012

Spinning Things Around

Things have a funny way of sneaking up on you. Feelings you didn't know you had. Desires that you thought were long gone. But, then they are there. Standing on you like a ton of bricks on a pallet.
For so long I figured everything was good. I didn't worry too much about the things I used to want. I thought I was content. The funny thing about being content and settling is that at some point the contentment dies. The wave of fear from settling rushes over you and you can't breathe. This won't work, it isn't what I wanted for me. The panic you feel is real and immediate. Wait as long as you want but, the feeling won't go away. That facade has collapsed and can not be rebuilt.
About the same time those feelings move in there is another shift. The panic isn't there but it changes you. Your desire to attain the goals you had, the life you want, the path you could have chosen had things been different. You know that this desire will burn like the eternal flame. Whether you do anything to satisfy it is the question. Ignoring the desire only burns worse but failing would destroy you.
These feelings and desires when they crash in leave you almost paralyzed with fear. You beg for the answers to come easy but, they never do. Chasing your tail you spin in circles. Stopping long enough to stop the dizzying madness that runs through your head.
Once the fear passes your path is clear and you make your move. Nothing is ever easy and the things you work the hardest for make everything totally worth while.

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