Thursday, June 28, 2012

Morning Glory

I'm not a morning person. I never have been. Even as a kid I hated mornings. I never used to be quite sure as to why this was but I think I figured it out.
Sleep to me is amazing. It helps me escape the mess that is the day. Not to mention dreams. Dreams to me are spectacular. I always look exactly how I think I should. This for the most part is not much like what I look like daily. I'm so much more glamorous in my dreams.
I don't like waking up to an alarm. It jerks me out of sleep and leaves me feeling very anxious. I hate that feeling. It's awful.
The biggest thing is everyone else always seems to be so damn happy. Why? I mean honestly just because your happy and  ”glad to be alive” doesn't mean everyone else is.  Well I'm glad to be alive but the whole happy to be awake.. Meh... Give me until 11:00 and ask me again. Right around then is when my brain starts to function as a completely lucid adult. Before that I'm kinda on auto pilot.
So, I'm not a morning person... that translates to leave a message at the beep.... Beep

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Politics Makes My Head Spin

There is something about political election campaigns that make me crazy. I can't stand the constant bashing of one another. I mean seriously? The two of you are at the top of you're political games and insist on mud slinging. We as the American people are not dumb neither one of you are perfect. You're wasting money and time trying to convince us you are. The illusion of politicians being perfect was shattered along time ago.
Debates great, of course that's when it is about relevant issues. Healthcare, the economy, jobs, and foreign relations are relevant. Beating a dead horse over a birth certificate is not.
The other thing that gets me is the lack of voter responsibility. It is very discouraging to see so many people not take the initiative to go and vote. Once you make that decision to not vote you forfeit your right to complain. Who do you really think you are that you complain but couldn't take the five minutes out of your time to cast a ballot?
These people that govern over our state and our country are put there by us.
When you think about not voting remember that our government is supposed to be ” of the people, for the people and by the people”. When you choose not to take the initiative to make the government in part by you how can you expect it to be for you?
I'm not a political person. I don't like talking about politics because it just causes issues. People get way bent out of shape so in advance this is ” just like my opinion, man” This is just something that went through my head this morning as I was watching the news. Of course, the news just is depressing. But, politicians acting like a bunch of first graders seeing who can say what first just... Ugh. You're adults act it. Since when do adults think they are perfect? I can freely admit I'm not. Far from it to be honest. I have no problem with it either. Reason being, I'm human and no one is perfect. At some point everyone makes mistakes, just own it. Politics is no different, it's run by humans it can't be perfect. Yet many expect it to be. That's slightly confusing to me. Some days that isn't difficult. 

Monday, June 25, 2012

My Comic Book Life

I've come to the realization that in my comic book of a life I'm my own villain. I'm also my own super hero at the same time. How can this be? I've thought that myself a few times. It's simple though.
Daily things happen. Be them good or bad I alone am the one that has the ability to decide. Some days they end up bad some days good. It just depends on my mood.
I have sabotaged many things in my life like a supervillain. Seen things happen that were terrible and been okay with it.
It's also me who has to be the superhero and pick up the pieces and fix things. Doing so is difficult because you have to admit you were wrong in the first place. But, that is part of being human and having less of an ego and more of a conscience.
No one ever wants to admit when they are wrong. Even when I try to make things right that part is the hardest. It takes the longest and when I do admit I was wrong that's the hardest to let go of.
I can't exactly equate myself to one specific ”hero”. One thing is for sure though... ” you wouldn't like me when I'm angry”.

Living in This State

      I live in a state where the job rate is low. I believe third highest unemployment rate in the country. This is also the place where some people would rather turn to crime than look for jobs. They have children to get more money from the state. In reality there aren't many jobs to look for so some see this as the only way.
I'm not saying everyone here is like that. I'm not even saying most people here are like that. But, there are those that are.

      This is also the state where the former metropolis is on the verge of bankruptcy. The mayor who is supposed to save them is a retired basketball player. The city council doesn't want anyone from the state to help because they may be white. The solution cut more police jobs in a city where crime runs rampant and they can't show up to half the 911 calls. 

      Schools are expected to function with less funds. Which cuts teacher jobs increasing classroom sizes. This leaves the students with less one on one time with the teacher. In turn many are left behind. We wonder why test scores drop and behavior is dramatically worse. How come we wonder why proficiency is low and the country in all is falling so far behind the rest of the world?

      Families can't feed their children or clothe them. Even with jobs many struggle. This is the state that appears to help those who won't help themselves. Yet leaves the ones who legitimately try to make it to suffer when their wages fall short.  So much animosity has grown between the upper, middle and lower class that it's not hard to tell which is which.

      The state's in so much debt it is having a hard time functioning yet wants to cut peoples professional licenses. This would be money that goes to the state. They cut tax incentives to the movie industry which was bringing in some revenue for a while.

      The politics of the state are bringing us down. We elect these officials. (those that vote do anyways) Yet they seem to be bringing us down further and further.

      Higher education is virtually unobtainable by most. Which adds fuel to the fire of unemployment because qualifications are low. Universities of course insist on raising costs for attendance.

      It's a sad state of affairs when everything and everyone are working against the state for improvement.
It's even more sad when it seems like the citizens of this state don't want to do anything to improve the situation.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Contentment and Restlessness

     I never really know what I'm going to do from one minute to the next. Some days I'm very content while other days I'm restless to no end. I am not sure what scares me most the contentment or restlessness.
To be content at times makes me feel as though I've settled for something. I feel as though my life is okay to remain mundane and boring. Never once when I was younger did I think that was me. I was always going to be out there. Racing for the stars, saying what I feel writing my heart out and having it heard. I wanted to be something. I wanted to be noticed. Somehow I lost this somewhere. In between kids and a normal career I lost a lot. I lost me.

     Now don't get me wrong. I love my children. They make me happy and make me smile. I just feel like I'm always locked into this life of schedules and routines. Always having something to do is tedious.
Some days I get thoughts in my head for my book and I have to just let them go thinking I'll remember later. Nine times out of ten I forget them because the events of the day have drove them so far from my memory that I forget they were there in the first place.

     Being restless though is no better. Nothing is wrong with wanting more. Not being sure how to get it and not wanting to wait in one place makes it difficult to achieve things though. I've had days where I feel like the lion at the zoo pacing back and forth is more relaxed than me. Cages or a house it all works out to be the same thing in the end. You can never truly run free. There is always something that holds you there. Maybe my feeling of contentment is truly false. Maybe it's my minds way of making it okay. Even though I never really will be. It isn't because I don't love the stuff I have or the people in my life but I feel as though I am not reaching my potential.

     I guess I should remember ” Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act”. Thank you Truman Capote.

     I just hope I haven't gotten to the bad third act yet.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

True Crime and Me (Not what you think)

I'm not really sure what my deal is with true crime. I have this need to watch or read things having to do with spree or serial  killing. I don't watch it or read it because I aspire to be anything like them I want to clear that up in advance. I just think that they are interesting. Especially unsolved acts such as Jack the Ripper or the Zodiac. It just blows my mind that people can be so cruel. It also baffles me even more that they never got caught and will never be caught. Right now I'm watching something about Jack the Ripper in America. They make some interesting points about how he escaped England and came to America to continue his killings. Do I truly believe he came here. Eh, no... Does the thought strike some sort of interest in me? Yes of course. I mean it's one of, if not the most notorious unsolved crimes in history. It's just like with the Zodiac, the blood shed just abruptly stops. It to me is odd. Premier detectives trying in vain to solve crimes with the speculation of the public being everywhere. Sometimes I wonder if that hurt and hindered the investigation as opposed to helping it. Ah, of course it did.

Then there is Lizzie Bordon. Where do I begin? I can say honestly that when it comes to a notorious spree in the States this to me is it. Second, maybe to Andrew Cunanan who killed Gianni Versache. That however, was solved. The whole Lizzie Borden thing technically was never solved. She was acquitted on the charges of murder against her for the death of her father and step mother. Then she lived out her natural life as an old maid in the same city that they were murdered in. It's an interesting story to read really. As for why I've always been taken by this I think it's for two reasons. One- there is a child rhyme about the hideous crime. Everyone has had to have heard it at one point or another. ” Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks, when she saw what she had done she gave her father forty one.” It is so creepy. Second- growing up with my name I can not tell you how many times I heard about Lizzie Borden, heck I still hear about her. I think what gets me is she was technically found not guilty of those crimes but she was labeled and could never get past that. So as I finish Jack the Ripper in America and start to watch Lizzie Borden Had An Axe I can't help but being sucked in.

Emergency Room Vs. Hair Bands

I tweeted last night that I love working in the emergency room because it's better people watching than a Poison concert.

I got self conscious afterwards figuring oh people are going to think I'm totally into hair bands. I must clarify this on a couple different levels. Level one the only time I was at a Poison concert I was working a concession stand not watching Poison. Level two if I lied and said I completely couldn't stand hair bands I would feel like a total liar. I mean who doesn't like some Def Leppard once in a while? No one answer that please just leave me under my veil of thinking once in a while everyone does.

The people watching at that concert though was some of the most phenomenal I've witnessed. It was like the clock turned back to me being ten. Except everyone had aged. They dressed the same though. Oh believe me it was a sight. Kids carrying out drunk parents, women wearing clothes that they probably shouldn't have worn 20 years ago. It was remarkable. Men with mullets which sounds like the name of a TV show were everywhere. The stench of Aqua Net was so strong the air was practically flammable.

Now working in the emergency room you see lots of people. I find the drunk ones the most funny. They come in wreaking of Wild Turkey and Colt 45 yet swear they had nothing to drink. The other ones that baffle me are the screamers. Screaming I can't breath... Yeah I said that screaming they can't breath... That alone makes me laugh. If you can't breath you definitely couldn't scream.

You have to remove yourself from a lot of situations to keep from stressing out and cracking. I often find myself thinking about other stuff during a crisis because if I think about how bad it really is I lose my cool. It's never a good idea to lose your cool at that moment. For some it's life and death and if I'm singing songs from movies in my head hey at least your alive.

So I guess I over stated the whole thing. At least at the Poison concert I'm carefree and laughing about people. At work sometimes or most the time I have to kill the stress.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Yikes and other fun stuff

I have been doing some serious twitter work as of late. I have this love of Tom Hiddleston. But, I can confirm that it is nothing like some people. I really feel slightly sorry for him. I mean there is a lot of craziness going on right now. Young girls completely obsessed in only the way young teenage girls can be.

Tom is a great actor and yes he seems completely down to earth in interviews and so forth. Heck, I even think it would be great to be able to meet him. Just not in the same way as many of these girls do. I would love to ask about movie roles and so forth that he has played. You know just typical fan stuff. Not to mention I am a total movie nerd. I won't lie I have tweeted him a couple times. Of course I have gotten no response but the tweets were one a question and two something funny that my kids said while watching Midnight In Paris. Nothing to me was funnier than when my 8 and 10 year old said to me "Hey mom isn't that Loki?" when Scott was on screen. Having young kids like this know who you are just seems very awesome to me. In my case it was more impressive because my son who has aspergers never seems to remember a whole lot but that connection was made in about literally 3 seconds. That is remarkable for my son to do that.

I know that actors sign up to be in the public eye but being in the public eye and having a million teenagers post old pictures and so forth seems like a little much. I don't want to get into specifics but I have seen a few young ladies tweets and felt embarrassed for them. The whole time of course thinking I am so glad that twitter didn't exist when I was a teenager.

Thursday, June 21, 2012


I love writing for myself in the hopes that others will be able to enjoy and identify with what I am writing about. I think that being able to identify with other people is something that many of us miss out on. I know in my case I do miss out on it a lot because I am very shy. I read the things I post and think I don't seem shy. This is an outlet that gives me the freedom to say what I want to say. Most things are subjects that I would touch on if I was talking to someone but to go into any kind of depths would be difficult. I am too self conscious about myself as a person. 
When I was younger I used to want to act. I figured out very early that this would be impossible because I just can not seem to let go of myself enough. No matter what, I am worried that people are laughing at me. Then I decided that I wanted to write. I never really had a support system in place that would nurture that side of me. So again that fell to the side lines as well.
I have started many short stories.  I have a very specific idea of what is going on. Whole conversations in my head, what the people look like, what the places look like but, have just never been able to put it on paper and be satisfied with everything. 
Recently I started to pick writing back up. I have started a story that I am in love with. When I am not writing I make notes every where. I just of course become completely self conscious about it. At some point or another I know people have thought I've gone completely mad. I just get swept up in what I am writing and thinking about. I finally made the decision to go to a writers work shop. I just hope that helps. Some positive feedback would be nice.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Misc. Songs


These three songs are in no particular order but I love them. Two from AWOLNATION and one from Bon Iver. I am not very sure what draws me to these songs but there is something that sucks me in. What ever that something is I like it. 

Enjoy as much as I do. At least I hope who ever watches them does. 

Relationships Make Me Cringe

I've often wondered what goes into people being alone. Is it something you really like or want? Or is it an excuse? So many people say ”I just don't have time.” Or ”I need to be happy with me first.” I agree the latter is a very valid point but, since when have so many people been so unhappy with themselves? Every single person me included has said that at one time or another.
I could go all day and list my excuses. I have a million of them to be honest. But, I know that in the end when I lay my head down at night I'm lonely. However that doesn't make me want to jump into a relationship. At this point, yep here is another excuse that I will spew forth I have been single so long I don't know what I want anymore.
Excuses and jokes aside I'm alone because I choose to be. I'm scared. It is a paralyzing fear actually. I don't want to have trust broken or be hurt again. Not getting into particulars of past relationships because that's how I am I can sum them up with one word.. Bad. Not a one of them was good. Good times yes but good for me as a person.. not a chance.
Does this lead to a lonely existence? Sure of course it does. By nine o'clock when my kids are in bed my conversations come to a close. I end up staring at the ceiling or watching TV.

 I keep telling myself that maybe one day I will find someone. That's a big maybe but at least that leaves some room for hope. With hope there is a future.
I'm not afraid of being alone right now. I do see others who are afraid and it makes me sad for them. Jumping from one relationship to the next isn't healthy. You, I would think, should treat a failed relationship as a learning experience. No the answer isn't as simple as I learned they were a jerk. Maybe they were but was there something about you that you could have or should have changed?
I've said before I live with regrets. The relationship department is no different. I've done some dumb things I shouldn't have. Also said a lot of mean things that I've immediately wanted to take back. Sometimes "trying" wasn't in my vocabulary nor was compromise. The one thing that I can say though is that I DO NOT regret the relationships that I had not working. I was not happy in the most literal sense of the word with anyone to this point.
So, I guess I'll never know the reason why so many people choose to be alone. I do know my reason and even though I'm ready to move on and let go I haven't found someone worthy of the lunge. 

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Just A Small Thought

I wanted to take a minute or a page or a post depending on how you look at this to talk about something that has always seemed to bother me. Misconceptions about people. A lot of people judge based on things that I feel are unfair. Looks, clothes, demeanor and so forth are just a few examples. It has been my experience that yes you never do get a second chance to make a first impression but many times that first impression can be false. Take me for instance. I have been told numerous times that when people met me they thought I was a bitch, mean, that I hated them and so forth. None of those are true in most cases. As a matter of fact it would be quite the opposite. I am the type of person that would give you the shirt off my back if you needed it. The problem arises in I am very shy. I don't talk when I meet people. I have to have a certain warm up period where I get a chance to feel someone out. I need to get to know you as a person before I actually am comfortable with you getting to know me. I think that yes it is unfortunate that people think that I am all those things I previously stated but I know that it is of no ones fault but my own. I can live with that. Why? Because I have grown used to this and I own how I am.

But, it irks me to no end when people are like this with other people that I know or don't know for that matter. You can not judge every person by the impression you got from them initially. I really think that it is important to get to know people for who they are not what or who you think they are.

The Experiment

     I don't really think that anyone reads the posts that I have put up which is fine. It is more of an outlet for myself. Me trying to find a voice that I did not always have. As I have always been the one that has found speaking up  difficult. I am making small strides to change that. The odd thing is that I have never had an issue sticking up for other people just me. It has never made sense but, the only thing that I can equate it to is I would rather people be mad for me sticking up for someone else than them being mad at who I truly am. I know it sounds crazy. Anywho... I have decided that I wanted to add a couple pictures and so forth just to a. see how it is done and b. see if anyone actually takes the time to read this and my other posts. 

This reminds me of good times. 

Like I said small baby steps. 

Now on to music that moves me. Really when I think of something that evokes a lot of emotion.

I talked about this song in a previous post. This is one of the oldest songs that still has such a specific emotion tied to it. Just thinking about the song right now makes my heart beat a little faster. 

The truth of the matter is this next picture is the truth. 

 Well I am hoping that this little experiment worked. I have always wanted to be able to give small glimpses inside my life.

Ugh Work

     I love how my job can feel so different depending on who you're working with. I treat each day like a new movie. Or rather an episode in a TV show.
      People are fickle beings and even though I've always known that it becomes more obvious each and everyday. One day they love you and the next they don't. It's like everyone's own little Hollywood. I'm just glad no one follows me around with a camera.
      Some days I walk in and think yep this place belongs to me but really it doesn't. I just like the prestige I feel here and there. Other days I walk in and feel like I'm lost. Like everything is new and I'm the odd man out. The phenomenon is quite unnerving if you ask me. There are days when I have a complete preconceived notion of how the day is going to go. Really though it's a crap shoot.
      Every morning I try to run out of this place as fast as my legs will carry me which most the time isn't fast enough.  I jump in my car and drive off into the sunrise. That's what we do when we work midnights. I drive away knowing I'll be back... It's bitter sweet. It really is.
      The drive away from this place takes forever. The sun burns into my eyes like a hot poker. The bumps in the road rattle like a gorilla in a cage. I get home though eventually.
      I walk into my house like I own the place and this time it's true I do own the place. 

      I know that this seems pointless and random and yes to a point it is. But, like I have said before this is just a place for me to place my random thoughts. 

Monday, June 18, 2012

In My Head It All Made Sense At One Point.

     The things that run through my head sometimes amaze me. Laying in bed worrying about things I have no control over. Fretting over mistakes I have made years ago. Stuff that I truly believe most people would just get over and not think about. Not me, it creeps into my mind like a cat creeps on a mouse. Then it is stuck there for me to think about for days on end. Not really days but, longer than it should be there. Then there are times when I'm thinking about things that happened and I almost wish I had the ability to go back in time because at this very moment I have a much more witty response than I did at that particular time. I chuckle to myself and think damn I can be funny sometimes. The mistakes bother me the most. I always tend to feel like if I'm nice enough now maybe it will change this or that. It never does. As a matter of fact once the feeling of a good deed passes I'm left feeling that empty what the hell did I do feeling all over again. It's a circle that just goes and goes. Over and over... 
     I think when I was younger and I wrote poetry it actually helped me let go of somethings. These days however with life, and work I barely have time to sleep let alone sit at a table with tea and write poetry. I was never a coffee drinker and tea just works for me. Besides I have always found that when you seem most content it is the hardest time to write poetry. I've got to be in some sort of emotional turmoil in order to write something that isn't complete rubbish. Even then it's a 50/50 chance that once I go back to read it I'll hate it.
     What I think bothers other people in my life more than me is that I am very non confrontational. I will avoid people just so I don't have to worry about the chance of an argument. I have been in stores and literally dove behind things just to avoid being seen by someone I know. I think it may be more of an anti social thing. Don't get me wrong, I like people and being around them. On my terms though. If I don't want to be seen I will avoid you at all costs. If someone knocks on my door and I'm not expecting someone I don't answer. I have no desire to have unannounced visitors stop in because they ”were in the neighborhood”. I find it rather rude and intruding. However, if I want to talk to you I will. I'll call, text or visit anyone as long as it is okay with me and whomever. I'm not a drop on by I have an open door policy person. I'm never out and decide to pop in.
     I am also very private. I let people know what I want them to know. There is not a single person on the planet that knows everything about me. For two reasons, one I'm not all that likeable and two, I don't like that vulnerable feeling at all. I would much rather keep everyone at a distance. It's funny because I think about the people in my life and I can list everything they don't know. Maybe that's more sad than funny but, my reasons are clear and concise. If no one is that close to you then they can't hurt you. A hang up though it may be it tends to keep me safe. Yes it may do an awful lot of harm also but I just don't see that. Even as I type this out being as honest as I am I'm only letting so much out. Enough to get an idea but not enough to have a real clue.
     And these are things that run through my head when I'm laying in bed and trying to sleep. It's no wonder I have insomnia.

Music and Actors and Books OH MY

        So often these days people become fixated on things. Other people, movies, music it all depends. Personally I think that to a point it's normal. I mean don't get me wrong when you start stalking and so forth then it isn't normal. We all can agree on that. Back to the topic... As a teenager I remember reading ” The Outsiders” for the first time. I was so in love with that book. The feelings of helplessness and being alone are so identifiable with teens. Because no one gets it. I read it easily five times. Then I moved on to the rest of the books S.E Hinton wrote. I loved them too. Then I read about her. I think what shocked and amazed me the most about her was she was only 16 when she wrote ” The Outsiders”. That is why the angst was so real. Of course this was never an original thought of mine. To me though it felt very mind blowing and original. It could have been me. It could have.
      Then eventually I moved on. Lived more, saw more, and got into music. Around the age of 17 I got into 50's and 60's music. The sound of vinyl is just not comparable to anything. Nothing makes me smile like hearing ”Gloria” by Shadows of Knight on a record player. It just lights up my mood yet sounds so gritty at the same time. Garage rock from that time could literally be my soundtrack. This of course would be true had I not been born in the 70's. Although I can't complain about music associated with my childhood. Pearl Jam, Nirvana, The Beastie Boys and Soundgarden remind me of my rebellious stage which I haven't totally gotten over, many years later. There are still songs that bring so much emotion to the forefront of my mind. Fade Into You by Mazzy Star I listened to for a whole night over and over again when my first real boyfriend and I broke up. To this day when I hear that song I get a little pain in my chest and I think of him. Part of it is I have always been a very nostalgic person. Sounds remind me of things, smells too. It is just something that has always been part of me. Many times I wonder if others are like this or if I'm an extreme case.
     I read Chuck Klosterman Fargo Rock City and I think holy crap I could write a book like that. Although mine would not be nearly as interesting. But the way he describes songs and what he was doing is something that goes through my head when I hear many songs. Not just mainstream radio stuff although in most cases that is the easiest stuff to place. I am lucky enough to know some pretty remarkable people that have introduced me to a lot of interesting music. 
      I was never a person that got super fixated on movies. I had to see Pulp Fiction three times before I even liked it. Well, except for Star Wars. The original three movies just, wow I loved them. I have never dressed as a character at a comic con or anything. Although I'd make a hell of an Ewok. I just never had the crafty ability to make a costume yet have always scoffed at the store bought ones. 
      As for people... Actors I have become enamored, wanted to read more about them but then I realize yep they just happened to be in the right place at the right time and got lucky. In most cases they aren't very pleasant and honestly it just isn't my thing. Now by that I mean I'm not nor have I ever been in lust with Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp. My actor crushes tend to be more like what I would like to see in a real person. I'm not going to name names but ”conventional” beauty or those ”chiseled” handsome good looks aren't for me. Now I mean that in the most classical of ways. But, to each their own.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

For Starters

I was thinking about starting a blog today. While thinking about this I wondered if there was anything that I had to say that would interest a single person. I decided that yes, yes there is. But, blogging simply about books, movies, music or actors/actresses seemed so cliché to me. Even writing that sentence seems cliché. In my life I know that these things are loves of mine that no doubt I will not be able to avoid. However, to dwell on either of these topics and make that my “thing” would not be fair to me. There is so much more to say than that movie was great, that new album rules, or so and so is so amazing and hot. There are issues that I have that are important for not only me to understand but others as well.

          One of the first things that I will tell you about myself is that my son has Asperger’s syndrome. For those that do know what it is please excuse my small description here. This is a disorder that is on the autism spectrum. It varies in severity and manifestations. For my son, there are a lot of difficulties in reading expressions, identifying with kids his own age, sounds (hand dryers in bathrooms are the worst) and light (the sun is next to impossible for him to deal with on some days). To be honest when some people meet him they don’t realize anything is different right away. However, if you pay attention to his actions it is quite noticeable. His interactions tend to be awkward and very nerve racking and it calms him to pace.

          My son is awesome though. Truly he is one of the funniest kids you will ever meet. It is just a matter of getting to know him. I can say that with him not a day goes by where I do not laugh hysterically at some point. He is wise beyond his ten years.

Second important thing, my daughter is amazing. She does gymnastics, gets all A’s in school, is caring, shy, a great friend and daughter. Although she is beautiful she knows that this is not the most important thing in the world. She is very funny. Also, if you are upset she is the first one to hug you and hand you a tissue. She loves to hang upside down from the top of the swing set. When she was a little little kid (I use that because she is still a little kid) not a day would go by that she didn’t bump her head.  For a while I worried that she would do some sort of permanent damage.  She did manage to recover every time and in turn now has more grace than even her mother (which is not saying much). She is also wise beyond her 8 years.

Every day with these two there something different. There are good days and there are bad. I have cried myself to sleep because I was so frustrated. I have also laughed so hard I cried.  That is all just part of my job as mom.

Now on to me all the things I said I did not want my blog to be strictly about are loves of mine. I love reading, watching movies, and because of the movies I love actors and actresses. I also like to lose myself in music. These things are my stress release because besides taking care of my two children I am a single mom and a respiratory therapist. The job can be stressful and can take a lot out of me. I do know though that I always have a way to relax and try to forget about the day.